Stay Together for the Kids

I shrank under the familiar barrier of blankets, the comfort they provided drowned out by the muffled sounds of sobbing and shouting. For a year and a half this became my nightly ritual. During the day, formalities returned and we mislead ourselves to believe the night before was just an unfortunate dream. As a child, you don’t recognize the signs; you don’t register the warnings.  All that you can comprehend is that your world is suddenly being up-ended, and the two sources of solidarity in your life are now the root of your turmoil. You made yourself believe this could never happen, not to you, but it turns out to be as easy as heads or tails, 50/50 odds: completely neutral and unbiased.

Fifty percent also happens to be the national average divorce rate in the United States, according to many prominent statistics. So for nearly half of married couples in this country, the fate of their marriage might as well rest on the unpredictability of a toss-up. For as long as I can remember, whether encountered in the media or anecdotes from friends and family, the institution of marriage in this country seems to be failing. Growing up, divorce always seemed like a foreign phenomenon to me, something I overheard my parents discuss mutedly to one another when it was happening to someone in the limited circle of people that I knew. Not until my family experienced it, however, did I become acutely aware of how prevalent it has become in our society. Even today, as my peers and I are reaching the brink of adulthood, I still hear the faint gossip that childhood friends, people who’s families I had always known as the picturesque example of happiness, are now going through the same ordeal I experienced at much too early of an age.

            There is no template for a healthy family, nor should one characterized by married, heterosexual parents necessarily be what all of us should strive for. I have seen, firsthand, however, the damage a broken family can have on children who see their parents as the foundation of support and stability. So it makes me wonder, just what cultural shift has our society experienced that has fostered this rapid increase in the dissolution of this so-called “sacred vow,” when divorce has traditionally been regarded as such a taboo to preceding generations. Perhaps it is that the materialistic, self-centric tendencies our society now holds so dear have undermined the notion of such a devote commitment to another individual. Or, in an unfortunate irony, could it be blamed on the generation that raised our parents? So often, as opposed to divorce, children were exposed to parents forced to live with a hollow marriage rife with subtle unhappiness, and through witnessing this façade, embedded it in their own insecurities as adults. Whatever the case may be, the familiar tune “stay together for the kids” no longer seems to be justification enough.