I would never date anyone in the military

I would never date anyone in the military

            I knew him from kindergarten to middle school and he had always been the kid who was happy and full of life, the jokester of the group. But now I could see it in his eyes, his big hazel eyes that he was tired of having to wake up at 4am working out and having to go to the same classes that he took in his first year in the military. As we speed down the street he grips on the steering wheel and I wait for him to stop to ask what’s wrong. I asked “What’s wrong?” He looks at me and says “My mom’s friends were in the Navy and they keep telling me to stay in the Marines and make a career out of it.” I stay quiet because I know he’s not done. “It’s stupid you know because of the guys stayed and served for like 20 years and another one got out and went to college and he made way more money than the guy that stayed in the Navy did.” As he’s talking he puts all his anger into the gas pedal, we quickly move from 30 to 40 to 50 then to 60. I grab his hand its sweaty and he grabs my hand not like he hold the steering wheel but more like he’s holding a baby bird that he doesn’t want to hurt. He looks at me with tears in his eyes but quickly looks away because he would never want to show his weakness to anyone. I grab the back of his neck. What do I say, what can I say? I know we are all pressured into deciding what we want to do with our lives right after high school. He feels pressured to continue in the military when it is not really what he wants to do.

            We are finally at his friend’s house and it’s as if he turned a switch. Those sad hazel eyes brighten up, his smile is from ear to ear. It was his friend’s birthday and all of his guy friends are playing in one corner while me and all of the girls are sitting at the table and eating. One of our friends say “I can’t wait for him to be out of the military. We miss him so much and we know how much he hates it.” I nod unable to say anything really except for “I want him be out soon too.” Then his friend’s sisters, cousins, and aunts begin to ask us about our lives and they call the boys over. They come to me and my boyfriend and I tell them how I want to go to graduate school and then they look at my boyfriend. They ask him if he wants to stay or leave the military. It’s the one question I know he hates getting asked. He laughs and says he is leaving after he is done and they ask why. He replies very honestly “It’s not for me.” They all stay quiet. One of the girls says “I heard there’s a lot of sexism and racism even in the marines.” Everyone looked at her as if it is something that she wasn’t supposed to say. He replied “Yeah they say that there isn’t but there is a special office that you can go report that to but I don’t think they really do anything about it.”

            We were on our way back home and he seemed more relaxed like he had finally vented. He looked over at me and asked me how I felt about the military. I looked back at him because this was a loaded question. Because although he didn’t like a lot about the military he was taught that they are the ones that keep us safe and knew that there was a necessity for them. I couldn’t help but to think about all stories on the news about the sexism and racism in the military. I replied honestly and said “I understand why it’s necessary but I feel like killing someone because of their believes is hypocritical.”  His eyes now changed they weren’t the eyes he always looked at me with instead of love there was anger, disbelief and confusion in them. I told him that the military a lot of times was sent into foreign countries just to show the U.S. power and to intimidate others. The military also doesn’t look at you as a human being but instead they look at you as just another body that they use. I told him how bad it is to be a woman in the military as well. There are countless stories of sexual harassment and they are not addressed instead they are pushed away and hidden so that no one would think less of the military. I told him about the most recent story about a secret Facebook page that marines had created to show nude pictures of woman in the service and how they wrote comments. He was again beginning to look angry. I asked him why he was upset if this was just the truth. I asked him why I would want men like this to protect me when they don’t even respect women. I began to prepare myself for an argument that I was sure would happen. Instead I saw that smile from ear to ear. I looked at him confused. He said “This is exactly why I love you, you always tell me the truth even though you know it’s not what I want to hear.”