The Feminist Housewife

To my surprise, last night, yet another one of my friends explained to me that she may never want kids. This would be the fourth female friend who has confessed this to me within the past six months. They all repeat the same phrase, “Maybe I’ll change my mind in the future, but right now I can’t ever see myself having kids.” Part of me wants to believe that my friends are just saying this because they aren’t in serious relationships now and are currently committed to bettering their own vocational lifestyle. Kids just don’t fit into any future picture they have hanging in their minds. But the other part of me takes it seriously.

To me, my family is everything. Since practically the day I was born, having a family was my dream. My “dream job,” that has continuously changed over the years, has always come second to that point. I grew up during a time in which women are ferociously still fighting for their place in a world among men. My parents have always had high hopes for me academically and now in the workplace. The words “doctor,” “lawyer,” and “graduate school” have always circled me. I am expected to go farther than both of my parents and my sisters. So this year when it finally clicked in my brain that “mother” was priority, I found myself trying to keep it as a whisper, ashamed of it.

I laugh because I understand that this is completely the opposite of the society feminists are fighting for. My dream parallels the traditional 1950’s women’s gender role. But I am reluctant to ascribe myself to that extreme as well.

I like to label myself as a feminist. I find all women’s issues important and I fully believe in the equality of men and women. How does my real “dream job” of becoming a mother fit with this?

I believe in equality and I believe in freedom of choice.

I believe that women should have the right to any job and are capable of any job a man could do. But I also believe that if a woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom, then that is of equal importance. I also believe in the opposite. If a man wants to be a successful hardworking businessman so be it. But if he wants to be a stay-at-home dad, he should not be shamed for that.

Farnoosh Torabi, from Time Magazine, says “The number of stay-at-home fathers in the past decade has doubled since the 1970s to about 550,000 men, and that figure is expected to grow, especially as more wives take on the breadwinning role in their marriages.”

Torabi goes on to say however, that having one of the parents stay at home is not financially advised. According to CNN, it costs on average $233,610 to raise a child to 18 years old, which means this cost does not cover the expenses of college.

Is finance one of the reasons why my friends are choosing not to have kids? Is it the feminist movement or the shame of taking traditional roles? Whatever it may be, it is their choice as women in society today.