I’ll never forget it. It was the summer before sophomore year of high school. I was 14 and playing basketball. When you told me, “Dylan, I have cancer.” My heart shattered. I looked at you like superman. “My dad can’t have cancer, he can’t.” I kept repeating this to myself in disbelief as I was crying my self to sleep nightly for months. He would be late to pick me up from practice sometimes saying that his chemotherapy treatment was running long. Then I found out that you were faking it the entire time and I was filled with a wide range of emotions. I was sad, angry, in disbelief and happy all at the same time. Angry you lied about something so serious, sad that I looked at you like a hero and spent countless nights falling into depression facing the reality I might lose my Dad to cancer. However, I found myself happy that you lied because that meant you did not have cancer. Little did I know this would be the first of a string of lies that led to me resenting you for years.
The final straw came when you were dating a childhood friend’s mother when I was a freshman . When she randomly saw me that Sunday morning at the Fairfax Flea Market and asked me “Dylan, honestly, how are you doing with everything? If you need anything let me know, I know this must be a hard time for you.” I looked at her like she was crazy. I know she wasn’t talking about all the stuff that happened with my Dad in high school so this had to be something knew. I asked her what she was referring to and she responded, “Your dad didn’t tell you and your sister? He is terminally ill and only expected to live for six months.”
I tried my best to not laugh in her face but he was pretending again in order to get money from the lady. I told her not to believe it and I could not believe he was manipulating women in that way. It was disgusting. After everything, this is what you turn to doing? You’re better than that. I was hurt again, I had started to forgive you but this time I didn’t even want to associate with you. We didn't speak at all for over a year.
Everything that happened between us has allowed me to grow up and realize many things I was oblivious to earlier. The world may have it’s beauty but it is a cold place. People are naturally flawed and will at some point or another hurt someone or people they love whether it be a friend or family, it will happen its human nature. However, I have grown. I see everything you did as a way for me to learn and be better than you. I have learned the power that the truth truly holds, how to be a real father who puts his kids first and puts myself aside. I have learned that trust must be earned and not assumed.
I have found the power to forgive you. I don’t know how and will properly never know how but I did. I have started to try to save whatever relationship we had but it will truly never be the same. I went through two years of my life depressed, and not eating regularly because of 3 years where my life turned from the greatest to pretty bad. Which now looking back I regret allowing anyone have that much control over my life that caused me to go to such a dark place. Its embarrassing. I should have been stronger than that.
What got me through it was always telling myself that I will be better and that my situation could always be worse. I started to see the bright side of any and every situation. It wasn’t until I experienced real pain in my life that the silver lining would become clearer to me.
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