Losing You

           “Having you was heaven on Earth. You were my first and only love throughout high school, and we didn’t officially meet until we were juniors.  For about two years I admired you from a far. I’d never been the type to walk up and approach a girl out of fear of looking thirsty, but this felt different. I remember it as if it were yesterday. It was the first day back from winter vacation when the silhouette at the end of the hall appeared before me. Long dark brown hair, wrinkled Nirvana shirt, denim washed overalls, and untied shoe laces. I’d never seen anything so perfect.

As my lips retracted to speak, you opened your mouth and beat me to the punch. “Hey, Davontae, how was your break?,” And it was on. Just like that, the fluttering lump in my throat made its way down my esophagus and detoured into my heart. Over time we became inseparable. For about two years it was me and you against the world, and then something changed. You opened my eyes and showed me a whole new world, but then it went downhill. I know it was me that stopped feeling, but you were the one that broke me.

I loved you so much, more than you loved yourself. And that’s why I had to leave. Losing you has been my biggest heartache, but only because I know now how it made you feel. I too showed you a new world and took it away. In losing you, I lost me, but it led you to find yourself and that’s all I ever wanted,” is what I should have said to my ex girlfriend when we broke up a few years ago. But instead, I sat back and watched her hurt. I couldn’t bring myself to walk back into her life knowing how far she’d come in moving on. It hurt, watching her hurt, but I knew it was for the better. According to Joseph Erbentraut’s Huffington Post article How Long it REALLY Takes to Get Over a Break Up, on average it takes about 18 months. I don’t believe this is the case however. I am a strong believer in the idea that you never really get over your first love. You may not want to be with them anymore, but the feelings will always be there, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

On the Professional Counseling website, there’s a full section on how to move on from an old lover. The page reads, “First of all - being emotional costs loads of energy. You may well be tempted to spend your time thinking about the lost love, nurturing every thought about him or her. Perhaps you're even devising imaginary (or real) plans to rekindle the love that never was, or that's now considered dead by the other person.” The way I see it, if people have to seek outside help in order to erase someone from the mind, then that’s a sign that they aren’t supposed to forget about that person. Having love and memories for someone that you used to know doesn’t mean you aren’t ready to love again. Reminiscing on something you used to have can be helpful when moving into a new relationship. The previous relationship can be used as a building block towards a better connection with someone else.