One of the most
talked about issues, especially in politics, is education and the many ways it
could and should be improved in order to have a more thriving society. There
are certain students that are not quite mentioned in the discussion— first
generation college students. A first-generation college student is one whose
parents have not attained a bachelor’s degree.
According to the
First-Generation Foundation Statistics, there is an estimated 50 percent of the
population of students nationally who’s parents have not attended higher education
and a majority are Latino. There are several layers that unfold when
researching the first-generation experience, such as the limited tools
available and no potential figures to help them navigate their way through the
upcoming four years of college.
Nonetheless, through
personal experience, gender, and ethnicity can play a major role— one that can
possibly make the experience much more difficult for a woman. The parental
expectations are already high to begin with because students feel that it is
their opportunity to give back to those who have sacrificed an immense amount
for them to have equal opportunities as their peers. However, those parental
expectations can be magnified for a woman when she is being restricted in how
to live her life due to her gender.
“Brenda, be home no
later than 11pm.” My fingers stop the clacking keyboard. This isn’t unusual. I
take a deep breath and make sure to not release my frustrations and to not
speak too loudly where the girl next to me will give me that kind of glare. “But I’m at the library. I have a paper due
tomorrow.”
She raises her
voice. “Why can’t you do it at home?”
My voice cracks,
“It’s not the same. I have to focus and can’t get distracted.” You see, my mom
doesn’t realize that every time she comes in my room telling me to “help out
around the house,” I have to hold off on that paper due.
“It is not safe for
you to drive home that late. Especially for a woman of your age.” Her
frustrations are beginning to project, and so are mine. If I have to hear it
one more time that I have to be home because God Forbid a young girl is driving home past sundown, I’ll lose it.
It is during college
when it is much easier to feel isolated due to increased stress academically as
well as financially. It is a time where one’s identity is most unstable because
one’s character is constantly being shaken due to stress and the unknown future.
How can I find a balance between being a great student and a great daughter? It
possible to even be both?
Lexie Pineda
describes her journey as first-gen as emotionally wearing. She sips her iced
green tea and takes a moment, her gaze is vague, like she has to solve a
problem of some sort. She adds, “as a woman of color who has to hustle
for her dignity in society to double emotionally, and stereotypically as a
“man” would act— in the eyes of my father—to survive, and as a student who is
still a woman of color to constantly be me, and not be me. My parents demand me to balance those two different
emotional labor extensive experiences, all while performing all my duties—
academic, personal, and filial— perfectly. I don't know who I am anymore.
Exhaustion, that's what I know.”
Our family’s opinions are so important to us
but Latina’s in particular, our families challenge to unlearn those values and
beliefs because it doesn't follow their cultural and filial upbringings. We
have within ourselves an experience that as first-gen our parents will never
understand. And that's okay. But we must create ourselves and pave our own way that much more. That may result in not giving in to being
home at 11 pm when you have a ten-pager due the next morning. Not stressing out
that your parents will be upset when you get home. Not behaving the way they
think best. Not being who they want you to be. And just creating yourself as
you go and finding peace and content within that process.
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