The 20 year old virgin

The 20-year-old virgin

It wasn’t because I was waiting to get married or because I was waiting for the “right man”. It was because it was my decision. According to the Atlantic “The average American loses his or her virginity at age 17. Virgins make up 12.3 percent of females.” So, why am I still a virgin at 20 years old? Do I feel pressured to stay a virgin to protect my value and so that people look at me as being pure? Of course, virginity in many cultures is a requirement for marriage and for honor. There are also some cultures where it is tradition to be a virgin until marriage due to religion.  But for me it wasn’t because of my religion or culture, but it was more because of all the pressure that society places on women to stay virgins. Although at the same time there is added pressure for us to have some experience but not too much so it is just a double-edged sward. I began to become curious about how my thought about virginity differed from women who were older, and who’s cultures influenced their decisions more. So this was the moment where I decided to break the barriers between my mother and my aunts.

I was dreading this moment as much as my mother was her entire life. When I first asked her about women and virginity she knew that I had different views about it. So, when I sat my mom down to ask her she looked nervous. Her hands tired from a long day work she sat on a wooden chair that had traveled with us from house to house since we move a lot. She had an apron on, with stains from all the food she had spilled on herself after cooking. It smelled like soup with chicken, squash, carrots, and many more vegetables. I looked at her forehead which had sweat some of it because of the questions that she knew I would be asking her.  So I finally built up the courage to ask her the dreaded question about virginity. She looked at me her face turned from red to pale white. I felt like I couldn’t breathe because she would faint at any moment. Instead after a few minutes she looked at me with her intense brown eyes. She looked around and finally said “In my time women would be shamed if they were not virgins when they were married, but you listen to me it doesn’t not matter whether you are or you aren’t a virgin when you are married because all of that is bullshit.” In that moment, I for the first time in my life I was speechless. She sat firmly and looked at me with intensity in her eyes and said “Don’t ever let anyone shame you because of your life choices, it’s your life not theirs.” To listen to my mother who was very traditional Mexican woman say this say this made me rethink how someone’s culture could influence their view on virginity.

            On the other hand once I was thought about my mother and why she replied the way she did I knew that a lot of traditional Mexican woman would not have the same response. So I turned to my aunts who are very religious and I knew that this would be a difficult question for them to answer. I looked at both of my aunts from my fathers side and they like my mother were done cooking for the family and were tired after a long day of work. So, I finally asked the dreaded question. “What do you think about virginity?” I could see that they made a long sigh and their eyes opened up wide. They finally said “Women should be able to stay virgins until marriage because it was our duty to as women.” I had so many other responses that I wanted to tell them and I could feel my body begin to shake because of their responses.  Me being a millennial woman I could not help but to laugh and think about how she feels about my generation. So of course, I asked and they responded by saying “It’s horrible, there has to be something done to the young people so women can learn how to act like ladies.” Instead of arguing and trying to reason with my aunt I calmly thanked her for her opinion. Although this experience proved to me how although two women could have the same culture and values how my mother had changed her mind because of the experiences she went thorough.